Originally published in SLAM 57
You can’t spell Dirk without “irk’d,” which is probably how Dirk Nowitzki felt when Vince Carter caught this one. You also can’t spell Vince without most of “wince,” which is probably what Dirk did after Vince caught this one. You can’t spell Carter without “art,” which is what this one was. And you can’t spell Nowitzki without “tziwoink,” which is the nearest approximation we have to what Dirk said after Vince caught this one. (The closest English translation we could find was “Freddie Weis.”)
You can’t spell Mark Cuban without “Cuba,” which is probably where Dirk Nowitzki considered emigrating after Vince Carter caught this one. You can’t spell Canada without “Dan,” which is the pseudonym that Dirk considered using after Vince caught this one. You can’t spell facial without “Fila,” whose shoes were not involved at all when Vince caught this one. You can’t spell Dallas Mavericks without “Vicks,” which is what Dirk Nowitzki considered taking to relieve the nasty effects after Vince caught this one. And you can’t spell Toronto Raptors without the phrase “sport rant,” which is probably what occurred on the Raptors’ bench shortly after Vince caught this one.
Most important of all, you can’t spell “Vince Carter took off flying through the air and threw down right in Dirk Nowitzki’s goateed grill” without using, “Whew, was I frickin’ totally uncreative right there (and not too good, right?),” which, coincidentally, I just was.
