Carterized!!by Shannon Booher

Kanye’s “Street Lights” makes this entire experimentation phase of sorts he’s in, or whatever you want to call it, worth it. That’s classic material. Can’t you see P.J. Carlesimo contemplating life, to that track, as he gets the hell out of Oklahoma City? Yeah, we can’t either.

Line Of The Night:

Vinsanity — 39 points, 9 boards, 6 assists, 1 steal

Sorry Mr. Bosh. We’ve put you through a rough week. You had last night’s L.O.N.nie wrapped up, only to have Mr. Carter (no not that one… no not that one either… yeah, that one) come through and snatch it. His clutch shots give him a shot at this honor, and then that perfect game-ending reverse alley-oop sealed the deal. Word to Lawrence Frank on that, too.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

T-Wolves — 78 points vs. the Ceatles

This franchise had it’s heart and soul stolen when K.G. was shipped to Boston, and last night he finally came back to put the proverbial stake in said heart. And then there was dust.

Where's that Conley?Memphis — 76 points vs. the Mavs

Mike Conley, supposed point guard, 14 points and 0 assists. Let us only pray to Pac above that this not the only Buckeye failure of the weekend.

Trade Of The Night:

G-State gets:

J-Creezy

The Knickerbockers get:

Al Harrington

In reality, this is a pure FREE AL HARRINGTON situation, but as soon as the deal went down, the L.O.N. offices were awash in celebration with the news that fellow Michigan alum (OK, he’s probably not official alum, but y’all know what we’re sayin’) Jamal Crawford was heading to one of our favorite teams. Of course, since he was leaving the new-fangled Knicks, where he was a key component of D’Antoni’s attack, his new situation is probably equal, at best, for the entertainment factor, but we still love it.

As a eulogy on the Al Harrington/Nellie Era, we never quite understood the problem. Seemed an ideal situation for Al, but now he’s probably headed to an equally ideal spot. Get ‘er done, Al. And pour out a little red-eye cocktail service for Jonathan Bender, while you’re at it.

Trade Part II Of The Night:

The Clip Joint gets:

Zach Randolph
Mardy Collins

The Knickerbockers get:

Cat Mobley
Tim Thomas

This is atrocious on so many levels for the Clippers that we do not even know where to start. When the season began, D’Antoni and Donnie Walsh probably had a convo something like this: Walsh:  “Hey Mike, let’s try to get Z-Bo off to a hot start so we can find some sucker to take him of our hands.” D’Antoni: “Aww man… do I have to? I was hoping to have a my own version of the Three Tenors down there w/ Starbury, E-City and him.” Walsh: “Do it. Trust me.”

Hypnotism? Blackmail? What’s your secret, Mr. Walsh? More importantly, who is going to eat cheeseburgers with E-City, now?

Hey Mr. Dunleavy, why don’t you hand the Knicks the keys to the NBA for the ’10′s? This puts them in the pole position of the LeBron sweepstakes, or so conventional wisdom says. Oh to have access to the Patriot Act wiretap trained on the James household today… ABUZZ.

Rookie Of The Night:

Derrick Rose — 25 points, 5 assists, 3 boards, 2 steals

Derrick’s jumper was certainly in full bloom (buh-doomp-doomp-piiisshhhhh) last night in G-State.  He took over this game down the stretch, hitting J after J after J after J. He even gave the crowd the ol’ finger-over-the-lips “hush” symbol after one shot. Too bad he apparently got stabbed on the court, somehow, near the end. He finished the game in pain, on the bench, with an icepack on his abdomen. Weird. This odd injury closely followed fellow rook Anthony Randolph being hit in the neck by an invisible blow dart. Some definite hijinx went down in the Bay, last night. Speaking of Randolph… he may be Nellie’s dream player. He’s a longer L-Eezy without quite the same handle. Nellie likes his handle enough, though, as he had him bringing the ball up as the point several times.  He looks raw, exciting, and wildly inconsistent. But hella fun. Another speaking of… Why haven’t Odom and Nellie hooked up? Isn’t Lamar the definition of? Somebody make it happen.

Insult To Injury Of The Night:

It has been well-documented that after comparing notes with fellow Duke alum Carlos Boozer, this past off-season, Elton Brand snaked the Clip Joint. Well, last night he added venom to the insult.  And the injury. Despite struggling most of the night, Brand nailed the go ahead jumper in the final minutes, and was right there on D to prevent the Clippers from scoring. Who knows though… Dunleavy seems to be collecting big men that make a lot of money. Maybe they’ll trade for him.

Orlando has slide under our radar a bit. They started off slow, but now are right there with the LeBrons at 2nd in the East. Nice… Rasho! You missed your chance! Two more points in you’re in the Near Ice Cube section! Ever again?… Come on J.R., don’t go out as the garbage man… Houston has to at least take a, um, quantum of solace in the fact that despite their disjointed play, they are sitting OK at 8-5… Will someone please play power forward for Charlotte? This is getting ridiculous… With limited roster, Starbury given the option to play and chooses not to… The Thunder is/are so disgusting. Sorry, Kevin…