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Wednesday, October 15th, 2008 at 1:34 pm  |  22 responses

Movie Review: Quarantine

Omar gets attacked by Dania!

by Omar Mazariego

It’s movies like “Quarantine” that makes me feel the need to have a wifey, even though that’s the furthest thing from my mind right now (I need money!). But it would be nice simply because a dude like me appreciates the feeling of a shorty squeezing on my arm while she’s squinting her eyes slightly, peeking at the movie in anticipation of a decapitation. Horror movies were made for that right there.

I ended up rolling with my cousin, same way it’s been for the past few years, bar the L-Boogie nights (that’s the lil’ big sis). Funny enough, a gay couple that looked like a Latino version of Rob & Big ended up sitting next to us and doing what I previously described. I couldn’t help but laugh at times.

But that’s neither here nor there. The movie itself was based off a Spanish flicked called “REC.” The whole movie is filmed “Cloverfield” style and starts off kind of slow, following a reporter who’s covering the night shift at a firehouse in LA. It stars Jennifer Carpenter a.k.a. Emily Rose (a few years back I messed with a chick I dubbed Emily Rose — long and creepy story) as TV reporter Angela Vidal. Filming her every movement is her trusty cameraman Scott (Steve Harris). While interviewing and type flirting with fireman Jake (my homie Jay Hernandez), they get a call and roll out.

They get to the spot and meet with an old dude who said that he heard screaming coming out of an apartment on the 2nd floor and the woman who lives there wouldn’t respond when he knocked on the door. (Who’s to say she wasn’t getting busy Viagra status?) So two firemen and two cops enter and find an old ass lady who’s growling while rocking blood all over her nightgown. I know that sounds sexy, but she wasn’t Palin old (she can get it), she was Barbara Bush old. They try to talk to her to see where her head is at but next thing you know the old lady’s digging into the policeman’s neck with a vengeance.

After they wrestled that old lady off him they grabbed the mauled officer and broke boogie to the exit only to find that they’ve been locked into the building and aren’t getting let out under any circumstances. So they’re stuck in a building with a homicidal old lady who has a thirst for blood, a bunch of cornballs, a few birds and the ever-sexy Dania Ramirez (the only upside to being locked in that building). Did I mention that the cable, phone line and electricity had been cut? When the government wants you gone, they can make it happen.

Soon they come to figure out that whatever made that old lady go nuts, it can be transferred through saliva or blood on some zombie sh*t. Before you knew it, everybody’s turning into a zombie straight out of “28 Days Later” (gangsta flick), Scott’s Nikes were getting more screen time than Scott himself, the police are picking off anyone who comes near a window trying to escape, and Latino Rob & Big were screaming and jumping out their seats as if Justin Timberlake walked into the theater every 5-10 minutes. Straight comedy. After starting off slow, the ride got intense with every passing minute.

When it was all said and done, I gave the movie 3.5 Gangstas.

Though I loved the concept and the gory action, it was lacking depth. There was little character building, so you really didn’t care who got it or who survives. It was great entertainment, but like the Chris Rock’s “Kill The Messenger,” it left me feeling a little unsatisfied. More could’ve been done to make the movie better. A little background information on one or two main characters or on the virus that had the building quarantined off would’ve sufficed a bit. But at the end of the day it was a cool movie that I’d catch a few more times on cable. I mean, they did show Dania in cute little underwear. Sure she was beastin’ by then, but it was still off the hook. Plus the Spanish guy and black guy didn’t die in the first 5 minutes so it gets “special” brownie points for being realistic like that.

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  • http://www.slamonline.com James the balla

    first

  • http://slamonline.com Ben Osborne

    So how much screen time does Dania get? She deserves a LOT.

  • Blue

    Dania for Vice President!!

  • namik

    This is why heroes sucks now. Instead of highlighting her hotness, they plaster her to a wall and shove Hayden P’s broke @ss down our collective throats.

  • http://dyalekt.com d.Y.

    Good stuff O. You know I’m currently getting swamped by a hurricane with your name? Yeah I felt like that about the latest Chris Rock too. Started out slow, and when he got it rollin at the end with that painful truth sh*t he does, it was over. Cosign the EIC. Dania ain’t even the truth, she’s unabashed honesty, the word, the law…

  • http://twentythreenine.blogspot.com Russ Bengtson
  • http://Slamonline.com O

    Yeah, i’m doing damage to the islands. And Ben, she gets some OK screen time. But the lighting isn’t that good being that there’s no electricity and all. And I can’t hate on Hayden. She’s a cutie, but she ain’t got nada on Dania.

  • http://www.shawn-kemps-offspring.blogspot.com Eboy

    The Latino version of Rob & Big made my week.

  • http://Slamonline.com O

    I wonder if Latino Rob & Big even know about my entertainment corner…

  • riggs

    yes they post here under the names of james the balla and BETCATS

  • http://AllAbout-Penis-Enlargement.com Jukai

    This movie was pretty terrible. JT comment made this review amazing.

  • cupcakey

    LMAO @ latino Rob & Big

  • http://slamonline.com Khalid Salaam

    Should have went to see Body of Lies instead. Now that was a movie…didn’t know Dania Ramirez was in Quaratine tho. Granted i wouldn’t just see it because of her but thats one helluva bonus. She is seriously, undeniably hot. Arguably the hottest chick in the game right now. For real

  • riggs

    if her booty was bigger yeah (this coming from a dominican)

  • http://Slamonline.com O

    Kha, the hottest chick in the movie game or the entertainment game all together? Have you seen Beyonce’s new video? Put a ring on that finger or whatever it called? Given the wig piece is pretty bad, but daaaaaayuuuum…. And Riggs, her booty is plenty fine.

  • http://slamonline.com Khalid Salaam

    nah i havent seen beyonce’s video but i know she’s hot. i’m just saying dania is serious. she looks like an angel. i’m about to google her right now, f*ck it..

  • http://Slamonline.com O

    LOL. Yeah, Dania’s a dime fo sho’.Shes engaged to a movie director or producer or something tho. Dude’s a bird too. Seems to me like she’s an opportunist.

  • http://www.slamonline.com James The Balla

    Riggs was that a burn? And i would say more of an equal oppurtunist!!

  • http://slamonline.com Ben Osborne

    Where’s Myles?

  • http://where-basketball-b-longs.blogspot.com/ B. Long

    I know this may just be because I’m from Texas but that new Western with Vigo Moretesen(did I spell that right?) looks pretty badass. I think its called Appaloosa?

  • http://www.toronto.com Mr. 416

    is Dania the chick who played AJ’s girl the last season of Sopranos ?

  • http://www.lkz.ch Darksaber

    Sopranos? Dania is the hottie (amongst a few) on HEROES

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