by Omar Mazariego

There was a time not so long ago when Natalie Portman was the “turkey bacon” for whom my appetite pined. Sure, she wasn’t as thick as a Beyonce or as overtly sexy as a younger Angelina Jolie, but Ms. Portman had the kind of natural beauty that you could wake up to every morning (sorry, Katy Perry). She was—Usher voice—my booo-oo, when she was fighting wars a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Then she went all Sinead O’Connor in V For Vendetta, and I moved on. Fast forward a few years and few Kardashians later, and her latest flick, The Black Swan, has moved her back into my top 5 “Can Get It” list.

Now, I know what y’all thinking, “Damn, O! You watching ballerina movies now? This recession got you going soft, homie.” First off, any real man done heard about the legendary scene this movie features. Second of all, this recession got me going hard in the hood just to keep my head above rising waters, which is why I fell back from this writing ish. Third and most importantly of all, I’m sick and tired of these “G’s” wearing Ugg boots and trying to justify them by renaming them “thUggs.” Don’t throw up gang signs, talk crime or even kick it to shorties if you in a pair of Brady Bunchies. Y’all fools is softer than Justin Bieber drinking a Pepsi through a straw! My homegirl Ruger Rosey is harder than y’all burgerducks. She packs her nickname in her Timbs and is still the rose of Spanish Harlem. But that’s neither here nor there. Just needed to vent about that real quick.

Back to the subject at hand, (Usher voice) my booo-ooo, Natalie Portman, plays Nina Sayers, a young ballerina who lives her life with a perfectionist’s demeanor. A sort of mama’s girl, she begins to lose herself — and her mind — with every 1-2 step she takes deeper into the dark world of ballet. A world that makes a renowned ballerina, Beth Macintyre (Winona Rider), start treating herself like a Dominican druglord who just saw his baby brother take one in the head like in Shaft. So in a desperate attempt to add more edge to her character, Nina begins to act out of pocket and experiments with herself, her sexuality and fantasies. In a lot of ways she’s just a child of influence who isn’t comfortable in her own skin, looking for a way to make it all work. Because of this, her ballet boss, Thomas Leroy, and Mila Kunis play a huge role in her turning herself out.

That said, the infamous scene between my girl Mila Kunis and Natalie was all that and a bag of chips with the quarter grape juice and Chico sticks! It made the Britney and Madonna kiss look like the Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley kiss. Made that kiss between Neve Campbell and Denise Richards in Wild Things look like the Lil Wayne and Baby kiss. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the reason Mila and Home Alone broke up.

Guess what? I loved this movie. Not only because of the forbidden passion between two incredibly beautiful stick figures, but because of the paranormal undercurrent of the film. The psychological changes that Natalie experiences had me tripping and guessing what was real and what wasn’t. The funny thing about all this is that growing up in my hood, I’m actually real familiar with the theme of this movie. It’s basically about an innocent young woman who ends up becoming a bird. ‘nuff said!

4 Gangstas out of 5