Thursday, January 6th, 2011 at 11:08 am  |  32 responses

Review: Black Swan

O gets to reunite with his boo-oo…

by Omar Mazariego

There was a time not so long ago when Natalie Portman was the “turkey bacon” for whom my appetite pined. Sure, she wasn’t as thick as a Beyonce or as overtly sexy as a younger Angelina Jolie, but Ms. Portman had the kind of natural beauty that you could wake up to every morning (sorry, Katy Perry). She was—Usher voice—my booo-oo, when she was fighting wars a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Then she went all Sinead O’Connor in V For Vendetta, and I moved on. Fast forward a few years and few Kardashians later, and her latest flick, The Black Swan, has moved her back into my top 5 “Can Get It” list.

Now, I know what y’all thinking, “Damn, O! You watching ballerina movies now? This recession got you going soft, homie.” First off, any real man done heard about the legendary scene this movie features. Second of all, this recession got me going hard in the hood just to keep my head above rising waters, which is why I fell back from this writing ish. Third and most importantly of all, I’m sick and tired of these “G’s” wearing Ugg boots and trying to justify them by renaming them “thUggs.” Don’t throw up gang signs, talk crime or even kick it to shorties if you in a pair of Brady Bunchies. Y’all fools is softer than Justin Bieber drinking a Pepsi through a straw! My homegirl Ruger Rosey is harder than y’all burgerducks. She packs her nickname in her Timbs and is still the rose of Spanish Harlem. But that’s neither here nor there. Just needed to vent about that real quick.

blackswannatalieportmanBack to the subject at hand, (Usher voice) my booo-ooo, Natalie Portman, plays Nina Sayers, a young ballerina who lives her life with a perfectionist’s demeanor. A sort of mama’s girl, she begins to lose herself — and her mind — with every 1-2 step she takes deeper into the dark world of ballet. A world that makes a renowned ballerina, Beth Macintyre (Winona Rider), start treating herself like a Dominican druglord who just saw his baby brother take one in the head like in Shaft. So in a desperate attempt to add more edge to her character, Nina begins to act out of pocket and experiments with herself, her sexuality and fantasies. In a lot of ways she’s just a child of influence who isn’t comfortable in her own skin, looking for a way to make it all work. Because of this, her ballet boss, Thomas Leroy, and Mila Kunis play a huge role in her turning herself out.

That said, the infamous scene between my girl Mila Kunis and Natalie was all that and a bag of chips with the quarter grape juice and Chico sticks! It made the Britney and Madonna kiss look like the Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley kiss. Made that kiss between Neve Campbell and Denise Richards in Wild Things look like the Lil Wayne and Baby kiss. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the reason Mila and Home Alone broke up.

Guess what? I loved this movie. Not only because of the forbidden passion between two incredibly beautiful stick figures, but because of the paranormal undercurrent of the film. The psychological changes that Natalie experiences had me tripping and guessing what was real and what wasn’t. The funny thing about all this is that growing up in my hood, I’m actually real familiar with the theme of this movie. It’s basically about an innocent young woman who ends up becoming a bird. ‘nuff said!

4 Gangstas out of 5

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  • riggs

    if mila kunis had a booty, she would be a dime. Saw this movie with my girl thinking it was going to be the opposite of what i saw (damn chick flick), !!!SPOILER!!!! that scene with her doing the lonely dirty deed with her mother in the room was nuts and so was the last quarter of the movie.

  • http://www.fiba.com Darksaber

    Portman’s earnest beauty, Winona’s underrated looks (back in the day, she was amazing) and Mila’s…. Mila’s… umm, everything. Sensory overload.
    PS: nice movie choice for “ushering” in 2011, O. Welcome back. Now, how about them lightcycles, eh?

  • http://slamonline.com Ben Osborne


  • O

    Ben! LOL. Word Riggs, that scene where Natalie got to know herself had me open. Too bad her moms had to be in the room. Really wanted that scene to be at least 15 minutes. Probably would’ve summoned the Ghost of Paul Reubens in that theater..

  • http://theghostofroyhobbs.blogspot.com Mo Charlo

    Favorite columns. Every time. Thanks, Omar.

  • O

    Mila is the one for me right now. I like Natalie but she has a gut full of human. Mila is single and i’m ready to woo her off her feet…

  • http://slamonline.com rudy

    Everybody’s always hating on Justin Bieber even though he can pull your girl, your mother, your sister, your neighbor and even your daughter, if you have one. JB goes hard. Ask Raekwon.

  • http://www.slamonline.com/online/blogs/farmer-jones/ Ryan Jones


  • http://www.slamonline.com/online/blogs/farmer-jones/ Ryan Jones

    For the record, that is the first emoticon I’ve ever used in the Slamonline comments. Ever.

  • http://bulls.com airs

    “a gut full of human” hahaha wth. i had to think about that one for a second.

  • http://www.slamonline.com Eboy

    “Not only because of the forbidden passion between two incredibly beautiful stick figures, but because of the paranormal undercurrent of the film” One of about 9 quotes I should pull that made me practically pi*s myself…..OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • O

    I’m not hating on JB. I’m actually proud of him for taking on a Latina for a wifey. That Runaway Love joint he did with Rae and Kanye was pretty dope too. But let’s not act like he’s hard or nothing. And good looking Eboy. I do it for y’all. LOL

  • tony knorr

    @ rudy- my mother, my sister, and my girl would slap the taste out that cocky little no talent punk bieber. dont know about my little cousin or my neighbour though but that is only cuz they are too stupid too know a real man when they see one. issaac hayes however would pull your momma, my momma and any other women alive. shit first time i heard ‘i stand accused’ I thought issaac was sexy not as sexy as natalie though damn she’s fine needs a little more curve though.

  • Bruno

    hey rudy if bieber can pull your girl you are f’d up haha or you’re like 11 years old

  • http://www.basketbrasil.com.br Rubens

    Saw this one with my girl. Wow, this movie goes hard. Plus Mila and natalie. yep… O is right!

  • http://stapledesign.com Spaceship Jay

    First of all, please continue to entertain me with your Justin Bieber talk, whether your hating on him or defending him. Both are odd and hilarious. Secondly, I’m surprised that the ‘cake’ scene wasn’t mentioned. A scene in which had my date and crying in tears of laughter.

  • D12FSU

    I LOVE natalie portman, and the movie was great


    O? No “The Fighter”?. C’mon fam. I know you mentioned that you were gonna see it, so if you still haven’t, make it happen. The FIghter is a great movie, straight up and down….And speaking of attractive women, Amy Adams (who uglied herself up in the movie), is killing it right now.

  • http://www.lacuevacrosscountry.com Slick Nick Da Ruler

    O, welcome back homie.

  • http://www.lacuevacrosscountry.com Slick Nick Da Ruler

    Oh yeah, who is in current rotation on the Top 5 “Can Get It” List?

  • O

    Kha, I’ve been trying to watch The Fighter online, but I only got 50 minutes in before my comp stopped loading it. And Slick, my list is currently: 1. Mila Kunis, 2. Penelope Manchaca, 3. Eva Mendez, 4. Kerry Washington and 5. A Clean Lindsay Lohan.

  • http://www.stonesthrow.com Michael NZ

    1. Mila Kunis, 2. who cares, 3. who cares, 4. who cares, 5. who cares.

  • http://www.lacuevacrosscountry.com Slick Nick Da Ruler

    O, I like your list, but a clean Lindsay Lohan is hilarious – because thats a 13 year old girl. I now refer to LL as La Llorona, she’s always crying about her drowned out career.


    @O: damn computer is hatin!….also, there’s this british actress named gugu mbatha-raw who i predict will make your next list.

  • O

    I don’t mean Lindsay back in the day. I mean if she can keep clean RIGHT NOW and for the rest of her life, she can get it. But that’s irrelevant now because she just got replaced by Gugu Mbatha-Raw. Good call, Kha. Damn she’s hot.

  • Michael

    hahaha great as usual O.

  • http://www.need4sheed.com Tarzan Cooper

    Dudes wear uggs? Whatever. …… Mila is nice, remember ‘forgetting sarah marshall’?. Gugu is def superfine, id give her the raw.

  • O

    Forgetting Sarah Marshall was an dope ass flick. That’s when I actually started growing my celeb crush on her. She was always cute on 70′s Show, but she took her sexiness to another level in that movie.

  • http://www.google.com/news BETCATS

    You never got your pass back after watching Brodeback Mountain. Justsayin…..

  • San Antonio Gunslinger

    Does anyone know what ‘burgerducks’ means? I have to know! It literally made me laugh for about 5 minutes! Thankyou Omar! Please help!

  • Bruno

    I know for sure that girl Gugu Mbatha-Raw is now in my list

  • http://urlpickens.fr earlpickens

    Great to have O out and about again. Give us some update on what you are doing these days, and let me know when you are in Paris so I can get you a 1664.