November 23, 2009 5:27 pm | 308 Comments
Sure Shot
They say a picture’s worth 1,000 words. But you only need a couple to win.
Finally, the season, and all its attendant artwork, is here. Soaring dunks. Rugged rejections. And…this. We’re not sure how Ray and Crash ended up in this position, but they do seem at peace about it. How would you caption this picture?
Whoever writes the funniest caption will win a dope prize from our vault and see their name in Trash Talk next issue.
- WNBA Joins Forces with NBA at All-Star Weekend
- Lights, Cameras, and a Lot of Action
- What’s My Name?
- Sure Shot
- NBA JAM Elections, Week 5
- High Definition
- Video: Monta Ellis’ Latest Trick Shot
- First Take: Kansas Handles ‘Horns
- Iverson’s Starting Spot in Jeopardy?
- Checking in on Kevin Martin Trade Watch
- Subscribe to Slamonline »
-
In Steph’s World
Starbury would be king.
- Win a Ring For the King
The LeBron and Shaq show starts now!
Wallace: “13… 14… 15…”
G-Wall: everyone, hide!
G-Wall- are u sure its not in your shorts like last time?
G-Wall- some guys have all the luck, I never had one.
KG: “Go get him, Ray.”
r. allen “oh my goodness, he’s so bi…”
k garnett “beautiful. voluptuous. damn, i want me some brian.”
Allen - “i dont know what he is gonna do i just hope he doesnt step on me again, i mean u seen what happened to KG a few mins ago ?”
KG - “ya his big as* head is really messing his center of balance today, i hope im back before the playoffs”
G Wall - ” She isn’t wearing any dude ”
KG - ” Stop that u fools thats my wife ”
Ball boy in the black Adidas sweats in the back - ” I need to hurry up and get a good look at this too “
KG: I ain’t never seen a man go off like that.
G-Force: Nellie told LB to cut his minutes. Bad idea.
Wallace : “A big one too”
KG: “Its not an earthquake, Rosie O’donnel just fell down”
KG: Hells yeah, boy.
gerald: no thats kg’s mom.
kg: no thats my dad.
Crash: eh?
KG: Anything is possibbbbbbllllllleeeeee!!
GW:Mike traveled with us for this game.
RA:If you’re employed by Jordan in any way it’s written in your contract that you have to greet him with a bow.
allen: no you fool, just kg’s sit ups.
g-force: i understand mr senior citizen.
Ray and Gwill: can we do some push-ups instead? lbj is too big for us……….
Jesus: Don’t you know how old I am?
KG: Wait, aint I older than you, cos I been in the league longer?
Wallace - ” Yeah, but just wait till Boykins shows up?!”
Gerald: I’m not so sure, but it’s something I’ve never seen before…
KG: What underwear?
Ray: With ur injury record this is the last place jax would look for u…
Ray - And we’re winnin so easy me and Kev will join
Gerald: Please God, stop ‘em Steph.
Kev: If Big Baby don’t make this, someone’s gon’ cry.
Gerald: like this right?
KG: Yall are both doing it wrong. its like this. you can get hurt that way!!!
Gerald: Definitely We looked everywhere else
KG: “Ima get this one!”
GW: “Don’t do it!!! You know Ginobili’s been having dreams about batz attacking him!! But they saying that he injured”
steven jackson finnally snapped and pulled out the gun lol, kevin garnett is giving the signaling rasheed to jump him from behind
Man you are hilarious. You should win this lol =)
(Ray Allen tries to take the pushup but failes miserably)
Ray Allen: Atleast I don’t shoot under 40% on my field goals!
-Ray: Let’s hurry up & finish this push up contest
-Wallace: I know, I can feel KG trying to peek up my shorts
-KG: “Where Amazing Happens”
G-Force: Is this a joke?
Garnett: What makes you say that?
G-Force: Everyone in the stands laughing!
Wallave- This is how you do the worm!
K.G- i got bad knees, i cant do the worm
Ray Allen: “If you stay low and don’t make eye contact, eventually he’ll go away.”
KG: o dang its mj himself
G-Wall: Yes master
Ray:First one to get her is the best Celtics player!!!!!
Ray Allen: No, you gotta do 20, I gotta do 10.
Hey Wallace! I said no girl push ups!
Yo Wallace! How many times do I have to tell you, no girl push ups!
gerald: where? i lust for her!
KG: get your team circumsized first!
Ray Allen: I duno, i dont know him to stop pushing people out of his way.
KG: You are dead after the game DAVIS!
G. Wallace: I’m too tired. With being on this team I have to work too damn hard.
KG: Ray 1, Gerald 0.
“But it’s midway through the third Ray!”
“Oh, I’m sorry, has Spike asked you to be in his movie? Let’s go! 20! Next play, I’ll show you how to hit a three off the curl.”
Ray: Yeah, she always goes commando. A beautiful sight.
KG: I’m about to bully these…
Ray- And if I do more?
Crash- Ill show you how to grow hair like mine.
Ray- DEAL!
KG- Hey, Can you show me?!?
Allen: KG your right i am never going to eat something you cook, ever again.
Crash: Allen your right! i will never eat at KG’s house again. No matter what hes cookin!
KG and Allen: did you not clearly see crash pushed us down, and you didnt call a foul. Then he decided to join us so it looked like we fell by ourselfs.
Crash:Ha, you guys are just babies cause i just jammed it over you two and you wanted to ref to call a charge. Well too bad!!
RA.. YUP… IMMA HIT A THREE FOR EVERY PUSH UP YOU DO.
KG: Woah!!! That thing is way too tight!
G Wall: Damn Mr Shuttlesworth, Imma get MJ out that suit and sub for me than..
KG: Oooooh who lives in a pineapple under the sea..Well crab crawl for the second half.
wallace: i am doing the worm
ray:come on join the dance-off
Crash “H@ll with this nonsense, we don’t do yoga in Alabama!”
Ray- I don’t know, but I’m exausted!
Wallace- Look who’s talking, I got 75 more!
Ray - He’s seen us…. RUN!
Wallace - But were not done watching celtics thrash the bobcats on the bigscreen!
Ray - He’s seen us…. RUN!
Wallace - But were not done watching celtics thrash the bobcats on the bigscreen!!
KG: 72 for Shuttlesworth & 65 for Crash!
G-Force: Alright coach!
KG: Damn I sure am glad i did mine before the game.
WALLACE: Ray, you better get down here with me. MJ doesn’t like when we dont show our respect.
RAY: yeah, yeah, im with ya. ever since lebron is changing his number to 6, michael got the idea that he should just have all numbers in the 20’s cleared out for him.
GWallace: Yep, David Stern’s gone crazy. Atleast he let KG go with a couple of situps.
Ray: Good thing Artest isn’t here…
Gerald: Why us!
Allen: We took over and they cant beat us no more.
Gerald: Well you guys are winning so you catch the bat!
“wait…did he say Down dog? or Up dog?”
Ray Ray: Nah Kev, it’s Eva… you know, Tony’s wife?
KG: Well..why is she in Boston?
GForce: Yeah Ray, why is she wearing my jersey? Oh..
KG: Drop and give me 20
Gerald: Nah, man all ball, I’m gonna make this contest as close as possible.
KG: Being down by 35 does not make it close.
GWallace: “is that Jose Calderon?”
Ticket: “SECURRITY!”
G: I can’t man, this floor is all slippery with sweat.
KG: My bad…
Wallace: Trust me, I’ve seen worse.
Garnett: Oh gross! Rasheed just puked over there!
Wallace to Allen: Never mind.
Wallace: “Yeah.”
KG: “Those damn pyrotechnics!”
RayRay: “Oh, that’s what that was!”
Crash: “Yeah, now they’ll make fun of us on the news like Obama when he almost hit the deck during a 21-gun salute in London.”
Left leg- Free throw line
Gerald: “Okay.” 10 seconds later Ray: “Yo Gerald where you at.”
Gerald:”I’m still back here man.”
Crash: Does it matter? We can see up her skirt!
Allen: No, I could do this all day!
Wallace: Damn, I want traded!
Gerald: I’m about to give up
KG: guys I gave up an hour ago!
Gerald: Yea, that’s almost as funny as Larry Brown coaching in the NBA… STILL!
Allen; ” Crash, I can outshoot you, outhustle you and do more pushups than you, Wanna try me?”
Wallace ” You’re scared”
Ray Allen: “yea! man, she’s got a nice booty huh!”
KG: “…I HEARD THAT!!”
Ray: Your down by 30…..
GW: No, I just got traded to the Celtics.
KG: HAHAHA, you wish….
Wallace: “Wait..the winner goes to the Lakers and the loser to the Nets right?”
Allen: “Wait…the winner goes to the Lakers and the loser to the Nets right?”
Wallace: “Hey, I play for the Bobcats. It’s a win-win.”
G-Wall: “Oh man shawty is a ten”
Ray Ray: “I bet she finds eyebrows with band-aids hot”
RA- He makes us do a pushup for every pound big baby davis is overweight…….So I can do these all night long
Ray Ray: “No. Glen Davis just dove for a loose ball”
Gerald: I KNOW MAN! HE BEATIN BOTH OF US!!
K.G.: DAAAAAAMN
GW-”This is how I play defense”!
Gerald: Tell Your Airness to get me out of charlotte So I can get in a Celtic uniform.
Ray:I’ll talk to Mike,Mr Wallace.
Gerald:Never mind look at K.G. seems he already gave up I hear Orlando n L.A. have great weather and fine women all year long.
Every year the allstar game adds a new side game to its list. this year get ready for……. NO LEGS BASKETBALL.
Gerald Wallace: Man…
KG: Seems like Big Baby Perkins needs his diaper his diaper changed.
Ray:”I don’t know, but that’s one strong trampoline.”
Crash:”Where? I can’t see ’cause Rajon’s stupid but is in the way!!!”
gerarld: me too , i didnt mean to trigger your army flashback…. sir
ray: looking like a hobo
kg: two buffalo gals go round the outside…..
wallace: me too ref, 10 pushups no problem
this month guys .i really like that b boy yoga move… kg
Ray: Nah man, I think Artest is still in the building.
Ray: Micheal said whoever does the most push ups gets to debut the Air Jordan 2011.
Crash:…15…16…17
Ray Allen: So this is what it’s like at the bottom.
Gerald: Say man! How’d you do that!?!
Kevin: No gentlemen! It’s all about the crabwalk!
Ray: “Damn… this could take awhile…”
Gerald: You mean the one with the disease
KG: It runs in the family
Allen: Na G, that’s the way Chuck does them…You gotta go all the way up like this
Ray Ray: Na G, that’s the way Chuck does them…You gotta go all the way up like this
Everyone: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMN!!!!!!!
Crash: Can they trade u back 2 ur rookie team
Allen: Not me my team moved 2 Oklahoma
Hey dude take that back to the home locker room and put it in locker 20 and i will give you a free autograph.
Gerald: 0. . . . .waaaaaaah!
KG: Whacha guys talkin about? Rings or Push-ups? No matter what it is, RayRay we need more! let’s go!
“Mr.Jordan, how many pushups still to get us some real signature shoes?” Kevin
“Glad I’m on adidas, and can just chill when Rondos doing his layups”
KG : Ahhh…sh**…..
Instructor: everybody, follow me…..
Instructor: stretch….face up…..wait..wait.!!
Instructor: Hey DOC is that your kangaroo runnin around d court? Can you tell him to get out because he is interrupting my class…THANK YOU…… OKAY CLASS…….to d left..now to d right….
GW: “I hope so. I wanna be a champion in something in the league.”
gerald: really, i’ll try anything to get better.
Ray: what….
gerald:yea ray you said ths double thing would work
ray:kg fell asleep again.
gerald: again….
Wallace: Yeah? At least your on his team…
Allen: And just like in the standings KG’s way ahead and is already on his second set of sit ups…
Simon says “Get up”.
“lay on the floor”.
Ha, you lose G-Force, Simon did’nt say.
Wallace “I can see her…
Ray-Ray “Nooo wayyy….Give us a look!
Gerald- Nah, hey,maybe we can go to the gym sometime!
K.G- I know right im doing sit ups
RAY/GERALD: HE KNOCK US OFF OUR FEET!!!!!!!
RAY: “Of course it will. I know you’ve seen my shot.”
KG: “Damn. I can’t believe Ray got him to do it. There goes $50!”
Wallace: You sure this worked for the lakers?
Ray Ray: “Yeah…thats what Lebron said.”
Gerald: I know I’ve already started, London 2012 here i Come
gerald: 115,116,117
kg : they got some nice ass
I don’t wanna talk about it Ray.
I don’t wanna talk about it Ray.
G-force; you hear that ray?
Ray; dont mention it
KG; hahaha