Thursday, July 8th, 2010 at 10:58 am  |  11 responses

Chaos Theory

How LeBron reigned over the Digital Age.

by Christian Waterman

Before pens have even had the chance to hit paper, we’ve seen articles and segments on the winners and losers, the pros and cons of each free agent signing. This fiasco has been snowballing since 2007 when LeBron, DWade and Bosh inked their extensions with opt-out clauses after three years. Even Carmelo Anthony, who locked in for an extra year and may not even see the (p)light of free agency, has been a major storyline in this saga. To paraphrase the almighty Drizzy, what are we do-in? What are we do-in?

This one man, from whom I haven’t heard a peep since his appreciation day in Akron, flipped the sports world on its axis and spun it on his finger for the last two months without a flinch. Wait, hold on a minute? I’m getting word from multiple sources that LeBron is set to join forces with Stephon Marbury to form a dynasty with the Shanxi Zhongyu Brave Dragons. One executive with knowledge of the negotiations said that China will transfer over 50 percent of the United States debt to James, along with logo placement on the nation’s flag.

While the reports haven’t been that outlandish, they’ve sure teetered close. He who must not be named invented the stories of Phil Jackson and Coach Cal clamoring to take the Bulls’ job, only to have them shot down. They who also mustn’t be named finally got their mark when the “Free Agent Summit” happened on a Sunday in Miami. In typical fashion, the report was refuted when Wade’s agent told us that Dwyane was in Chicago for the weekend. Could it be that he was in two places at once? (If anyone is capable of doing such, it’s Flash) This thing has gone absolutely haywire, not in a natural, hurricane sort-of way, more so in a BP we-don’t-care-about-safety-infractions way. They may not have intended it, but it’s entirely their fault.

“They,” in this mangled web, refers to a number of parties – the 24-hour sports network, the League, the players, the writers, and of course, the “sources.” I have two theories on who these sources are: 1) They’re traitorous scum leaking valuable information, or 2) It’s the players sending out their own signals to disrupt the airwaves and send reporters scrambling to their Twitter page, typewriter, or nearest television studio. Any way you cut it, this is a strange game, and it seems like there’s at least one entity that has it mastered: LRMR.

Reporters citing sources regarding LeBron’s inner thoughts lead me to believe that either absolutely wrong, or that Bron and Mav are puppeteers tugging at their strings and laughing hysterically at the mayhem. In my younger days, I was anti-LeBron, thinking of him as a pompous tyrant who only knew one dunk. Today I see him for what he truly is, a shrewd businessman looking to cash in on his uniqueBoys & Girls Club talents and cement his legacy as one of the greatest of all time. So if you’re mad at LeBron for stringing you along of this time, dropping stones that led you to his hour-long special on, where else, the sports network, oh well. Just when you reached you’re boiling point, you found out that sponsorship sales would benefit the Boys & Girls Clubs of America. What we’re witnessing here is nothing more than the final bullet point in an elaborate marketing plan that’s been going in full force since LeBron’s defeat at the wrinkled hands of the Celtics.

While Bron and DWade held showed solid poker faces throughout, Bosh giggled and went all in on every decent hand he got this offseason. His candle light dinner with DWade last week all but sealed the deal for me that the duo would be aligning. Now SVG tells us that Bosh has been following him around “like a lapdog.” As much as they pushed the Bosh sign-and-trade to the Cavs angle, Chris’ obsession with tweeting his every move to the universe guaranteed that he would be leaving Toronto for the hustle and bustle of Cleveland, OH. That’s like trying to avoid headaches by trading Ron Artest for JR Rider.

Sports journalism as we knew it is dying, with esteemed writers cramming their articles in to 140-character blurbs and fabricating stories based on a team janitor’s knowledge all because it’s what sells. One even said that Donnie Walsh lacked vibrancy from his wheelchair – only to retract a few days later after catching heat from some advocacy groups. Sports network employees laughed off the Knicks’ chances at signing LeBron during their free agency summit, and as the date nears are giving the team an actual shot, with the Bulls drifting to the back of the pack. Good work, scribes.

Now that STAT is a Knick, and orange WITNESS tees have surfaced (a color never before produced) and LeBron has been house hunting in the city, all signs seem to be pointing northeast. But that could just be my cautious optimism speaking. Not to mention that most of the Twitterverse is reporting that LeBron will be signing with the Knicks, citing their beloved sources.

You wouldn’t have it any other way.

Christian Waterman is a rising sophomore at UMass Amherst, where he is a double major in Sport Management and English. Christian is a lifelong resident of Brooklyn, and a die-hard Knicks fan, so life’s rough. Check out more of his work at writethefuture.tumblr.com.

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  • pennydunk_1

    J.R. Rider!

  • deano

    I’ve often wondered myself if it isn’t Lebron’s camp sending out these reports just to further hype “The Decision”…what can you say, the guy loves the big stage…..big stage…Broadway….New York….hmmmmm

  • The Wize

    This is very sloppily written even by SLAM standards.I’m not tryna hate, it is just poor.

  • Pingback: SLAM ONLINE | » Hot Topics

  • e

    lebron got epsn but dwayne wade made the best freeagent video of all time

  • http://kb24.com DreXnaW21

    Dwyane Wade, LeBron James, and Chris Bosh

    *watches Lakers do a 3peat again*

    yea “The Big 3″ in Miami ain’t enough to Stop Kobe, Ron Ron, and Gasol :D

  • http://slamonline.com Christian Waterman

    Well, looks like I had it wrong..Hopefully LeBron is comfortable playing in D-Wade’s shadow. How ironic considering the media (me included) talked so much about MJ’s. In the wake of LeBron giving us the finger, the Knicks pulled off a monster trade. I’d like to personally thank LeBron for choosing Miami and leaving us with a ton of cap space to build a winner. The Cavs fans have reason to be mad, and those dudes burning that jersey was hilarious, but they really ought to be pissede with the Cavs FO. All they had to do was bring in one guy, or maybe even sign Carlos Boozer in ’04 to get LeBron to the promised land. There’s no reason that you fail to win a chip with one of the best players in the world on your roster..Absolute failure on their part.

  • Jeddy

    Lebron and D Wade can co exist. All this shadow talk and “one man does it all” is rubbish. They are close friends and want to win, that’s it. Basketball is a team game (although this has been forgotten with media and fans quickly wanting to anoint players). Yes Kobe is great BUT without Gasol etc where would he be? If Lebron is the greatest player in the NBA then surely he won’t be under anyone’s shadow. I am pretty sure both Dwade and Lebron will light up the league. P.s There was a guy called Scottie Pippen…

  • Jeddy

    Oh and you are right about the Cavs F.O
    So many stupid decisions cost them glory. The fans demand loyalty but is that the same loyalty they shown to Mike Brown and a bucketful of players they considered not good enough? Apparently Mo Williams is upset at the way Lebron left. I am upset after watching Mo Williams leave the Cavs every time they needed him.

  • Trout

    @Jeddy would the Bulls have won 7 titles if MJ hadn’t retired probably. Did Pippen bring the same Bulls team to the promised land? One man can make a difference you better believe that.

    As for James good luck to him hope he gets that ‘ship he’s after real quick or all of this was pretty pointless.

    As for Dan ‘I’ll take you all to hell’ Gilbert you are school on a Sunday … No class be angry by all means but take a cold hard look at what you did in all this and you will find that you did this to yourself.

  • http://slamonline.com Christian Waterman

    I’m not saying they can’t co-exist..It’s obvious that these three love each other, and that’s beautiful. I never thought the pairing would work because they both need the ball to be at their maximum effectiveness. Neither one of them is a catch-n-shoot guy. Is LeBron going to be comfortable standing watching D-Wade go one on one and vice versa? Bosh said at the beginning of this thing he doesn’t want to be an addition, he wants to be “the guy.” Now what is he?

    Cavs fans should be burning Mo’s jerseys for his playoff performances, or lack thereof, since he got there. Or burning Varejao jerseys for that god-awful contract he received. LeBron was 100% right to leave and I always knew he would, he just should’ve done some things differently.

    And Dan Gilbert is just a G, straight up. I can only imagine how wasted he was when he wrote that.