Thursday, July 22nd, 2010 at 1:48 pm  |  62 responses

Free Agent Circus

Stalley puts the word ‘crazy’ into a ‘crazy offseason.’

by StalleyChris Bosh

Bosh to Heat
He’s no help to the Heat because he’s just another Udonis Haslem. I really don’t understand the hype about Chris Bosh. He’s never won a championship and has been overhyped from college to the pros. I don’t know how people equate winning with Chris Bosh. I really think he’s a bum.

Boozer to Bulls
This was good pick up for the Bulls even though he’s not a great defensive player, but it doesn’t matter in the East because there aren’t a lot of big guys to cover, other than KG and they have Joakim Noah for that. He’s a double-double guy and a good pick up for them.

Amar’e to Knicks
He’s a good pick up for the Knicks, but I don’t think he’s really a franchise player, even though the Knicks may. He’s definitely not the one to turn the organization into a winning one. He’s a good pick up, but they still need a lot of pieces. He’s a good defender, scores and rebounds, but I can’t see him making anyone better around, but he will make the team better. That’s why he’s not a franchise player because he really won’t make everyone around him better.

Mike Miller to Heat
I think he would be a good sixth man, and he still may be a sixth man, so in that case he’s cool. But he can only shoot. He can’t really guard anyone, but he’ll spread the floor with the penetration of LeBron and Wade. Miller’s someone they can kick it out to.

Jermaine O’Neal to Celts
If he stays healthy, he’s a good pick up since he can get 10 and 10 and he can defend a 4 or 5. He also has a nice outside shot. The key for him is to just stay healthy. He’s also a good backup to rest Kendrick Perkins and pair with Big Baby.

Kyle Korver to Bulls
He’s a good pick up for the Bulls and they may have done the best in the offseason. They needed a shooter, and he’s not a defensive liability. He’ll put some points up and they don’t really have a Jon Paxson/Steve Kerr kind of dude. He’s bigger than bTyson Chandleroth of them.

Tyson Chandler to Mavs
Good pickup, but who cares. The Mavs always get good pieces, but never do anything with them. They always fail to overcome their intangibles and are never a playoff threat really. Cuban always does a good job of bringing in players, but does he make the team much better? No.

Ray Felton to Knicks
Nah, that’s Marbury part 2 without the head case. He is a better guard than Chris Duhon though and an upgrade. He can run the offense a little better

David Lee to GS
This a great pickup for Golden State. He was one of the top free agents and he’s gotten better every year. He’s good for a double-double, and he’ll be good on the West Coast. They have good pieces over there, so I think he definitely helps them.

Quentin Richardson to Magic
Who cares; he’s not helping. Just like Vince Carter didn’t help. He’s slow and fat now and doesn’t have the shooting touch he once had so I don’t see him as being much help to the Magic.

Corey Maggette to Bucks
That’s a good pick up in the East. I don’t know if he’ll start or come off the bench, but Maggette is good. He can’t replace Mike Redd, but he can score a little and rebound so that’ll help them a little. He’s not a big difference maker, but he’ll help. You can throw him on a Lebron or DWade though defensively since he likes to get physical.

Hedo Turkoglu to Suns
This is a great pick up for the Suns since he’s been killin’ it the past couple years. His build as a 6-10 shooting guard is crazy. Hedo, Nash and Jason Richardson is a nice little backcourt. JRich can slash and shoot outside, so can Hedo. He’s definitely a good pick up offensively, and Nash can count on him more than Grant Hill.

Samuel Dalembert to Kings
He ain’t doin’ nothin’, but he definitely helps the Kings because I don’t even know who their center was last year. Wasn’t their last good center Olden Polynice? I’m joking, but he’s a good pick up for them to go with Tyreke Evans. But at least he can rebound and play a little defense.

Kirk Hinrich to Wizards
This is definitely a good guard pick up for them to have in the back court with John Wall. They play a similar position, but Hinrich is an underrated defender, he can shoot, drive and pass the ball. I wonder if they’ll start them together though because that would be a small backcourt.

Check out all things Stalley at myspace.com/madstalley and download his critically acclaimed project The Autobiography. Stalley also has a show on Creative Control called “The Milq” so come see what Stalley has been up to. And if you wanna get a little more friendly, say hello to Stalley on Facebook.

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  • http://www.slamonline.com/ niQ

    I completely forgot the Kings have Dalembert…

  • http://Yahoo Shanoooooo

    Duh !!! Kevin Martin is on the Rockets since the trade deadline ? But Hopefully Dalembert allows Cousins to start at the power foward.

  • http://www.bulls.com Enigmatic

    Yeah, Kevin Martin’s with the Rockets and uh, did you watch Hedo play at all last year? But other than those two blunders, this was a good read.

  • http://www.slamonline.com Eboy

    Was this written by a 12 year old? Not even a clause that says they won’t be discussing Lebron’s free-agency move? Ok. Chris Bosh is a bum, but Carlos Boozer is a good move? OK again.

  • D

    amare is a good defender and rebounds…..right…

  • http://www.pablasso.com pablasso

    Look ma! someone called Amar’e a “good defender”

  • http://slamonline.com AlbertBarr

    This was terrible. Do you even watch basketball?

  • SchW

    This was one turrible piece of writing. Amare good at playin´ D…? Yeah right…

  • http://www.slamonline.com Eboy

    “Quentin Richardson to Magic
    Who cares; he’s not helping. Just like Vince Carter didn’t help. He’s slow and fat now and doesn’t have the shooting touch he once had so I don’t see him as being much help to the Magic.” Perhaps you’ve missed Q over the last year and a half. He is ripped and far from fat. He WILL contribute to the Magic too. Why is this drivel still up?

  • http://www.slamonline.com Eboy

    “He’s no help to the Heat because he’s just another Udonis Haslem.”

  • http://www.slamonline.com Eboy

    “He’ll put some points up and they don’t really have a Jon Paxson/Steve Kerr kind of dude. He’s bigger than both of them.” Uhm…is Michael Jordan coming out of retirement to carry Kyle Korver to a title?

  • estoniandude

    dumdeal… wrong about amare, and i think you need to update youre information abou kevin martin.. i think you got it right maybe about one or two players.

  • Slick Ric

    ^^^Too much Hatred can kill you…Go Bulls!!!

  • Oli

    remember the guys from tnt joking about stat?
    kenny: “what do you call a power forward that only grabs 6 boards?”
    chuck: “a small forward.”
    and since when is he a good defender???

  • http://www.twitter.com/aieshaarab aarab

    Wow! This commentary is getting heated lol. Its just an opinion folks don’t get ur boxer briefs into a bunch.

  • http://www.boogiewilliams.com Boing Dynasty

    This was …somthing?? Who knew Hedu has been “killin it”, I would say stick to rapping, but your not very good at that either.

  • D

    whaha kevin martin and tyreke evans. hilarious!

  • Durrell

    This guy is a joke. Wall and Hinrich play a “similar” position? Duh! Kevin Martin on the Kings?? C’mon son.

  • http://www.myspace.com/dresproduces Dan

    LOL leave the man alone, not everyone scrutinizes every single transaction that goes on in the NBA like you b-ball nerds…

  • chingy

    From Ryan’s piece to this piece? Com’on slam…

  • estoniandude

    @Dan stay out of it… its personal, when the transaction was made six months ago-.-

  • http://slamonline.com AlbertBarr

    to those who say leave the writer of the article alone: why should we, we come here to read KNOWLEDGEABLE opinions on basketball…not the musings of some a$$hole who doesnt even know what teams the people he is writing about are on. The only sane thing written was the tidbit about boozer…wait, that is kind of stupid too considering he said there are no big men that need to be guarded in the east. Josh Smith, Al horford, STAT, Big Baby, D.Howard, Bogut…the list goes on and on for bigs that boozer cant defend.

  • jmart

    yo stalley,
    diggin’ your music!!
    stick to your day job…

  • http://www.boogiewilliams.com Boing Dynasty

    @Dan, maybe you didnt notice this post is on a basketball website, and happenes to be entirely about transactions.

  • http://www.stalley330.com myri

    @AlbertBarr LOL at ‘a$$hole’. Are u commenting from a sidekick 2?

  • Drew

    Saying Amare is a good defender is a joke. LMAO!!!

  • T-Money

    that article was trash. seriously. mike miller can only shoot? he’s damn near a point-forward! q-rich is fat? bosh is no better than udonis haslem? hedo’s been killin it? corey maggettee plays D? amar’e can rebound? kirk hinrich starting in front of gil? stalley, please go away.

  • AlbertTarr

    @AlbertBarr your right us basketball nerds wanna know facts we can jack off too as we look at our jordan poster hanging on the wall
    Go get a life all of you haters commenting on this post its opinions and so what about K Martin he obviously has no star power to remember where he was traded to.

  • AlbertTarr

    Thanks for quoting the whole article back to us cause we didn’t see what was written the 1st time
    Thanks champ your amazing! Lmao you go away bum

  • AlbertTarr

    @T-Money for the last comment

  • Sparty’s Law

    Was this written by a child? I actually think i just got dumber.

  • http://www.soundclick.com/thesupergenius Che-Son

    Wrong on every single count. Let me guess who your favorite player is? It’s a four letter word, right? You know how I know? You don’t really follow the game of basketball, obviously.

  • http://google c_cantrell

    man as much as i hate u n love to argue wit u i have to agree with everything u said.. this is most likely the absolute worst article i have ever read.. come on SLAM dont let scrubs put crap like this up on your site

  • http://www.clownpenis.com Tarzan Cooper

    Who the f is staley? What kind of pompous ass assumes a single name and expects ppl to know who they are?

  • http://www.clownpenis.com Tarzan Cooper

    Wow, this was total crap. This guy should be banned from slam for life. Does slam have any editing? Is that marcels job?. FAIL!!!!

  • http://slamonline.com the underrated one

    I dont know if this was waaayyyy over my head, but this was a joke rite?i mean he trashes bosh but commends turkeyglu? WTF?!??!

  • http://www.wankers.com Wah Wah

    LOL at all you haters…none of you could touch Stalley on the court or in a cipher

  • Rusty

    haha have to co sign Eboy on this one. Is this guy a fukin crackhead or what?

  • Josh M

    Is this a joke? No bigs besides KG? He is like in the middle pack for all the bigs in the east:Bosh,Howard,Horford,Smith,Amare,Bogut.
    Plus:Hedo is now a garbage player,Q-Rich isnt fat and O’Neal is good for 10 boards on a team with perkins Garnett ang Baby? Screw that mayne!!
    This article sucks BIGTIME

  • Josh M

    Edit:Chris Bosh is one of the best PF’s IN THE LEAGUE manana

  • http://www.boogiewilliams.com Boing Dynasty

    You know what Jurrasic 5 song i like? Quality Control.

  • frank

    I know its the summer, SLAM, but c’mon. At least get someone who watches basketball to write your articles.

  • logues

    i stopped reading after the bosh part. this guy is retarded

  • J-RO

    Where the hell is this Kevin Martin comment you guys speak of?

  • http://slamonline.com Krishan

    What a complete and utter fail of a write-up. How did you let this slide, ryne? Seriously, this one’s on you man.

  • rainman10

    This is crap. Not a lot of big guys to cover in the east, except KG???? What about Bosh, Dwight, and Amare?

  • Groves

    was this a joke or real? because some parts seemed honest and others seemed sarcastic eg. “amare is a good defender… and rebounds” and “[kyle korver]‘s not a defensive liability”

  • http://www.stonesthrow.com Michael NZ

    Mood: insulted.

  • The Philosopher

    SLAM is STILL the Greatest of All Times.

  • http://www.stonesthrow.com Michael NZ

    @SLAM: tighten your rotation.

  • J

    I was blown away by this article. And I don’t mean that in a good way.

    After reading the comments and seeing that more than enough people have already ripped into Stalley, I feel that someone should say, ‘nice try Stalley.’ It’s always cool to try something new, but perhaps it’s time to consider trying something else.

  • T-Money

    went to his myspace. he’s actually nice on the mic though. stick to your day job bruh.

  • http://www.hibachi20.blogspot.com Hursty

    Was this deliberately sh*t? Just to get hits?

  • http://shawn-kemps-offspring.blogspot.com Cheryl

    Ditto, everybody’s comments. This article was a joke. C’mon slam, I know it’s the summer, but are you kidding me?

  • henry

    always thought bosh was overrated

  • http://slamonline.com Allenp

    wth was this drivel?
    was this like a joke?
    Seriously, dude said Boozer was good and Bosh was nothing. At that point, I stopped reading. WTH?

  • mysticRight

    How were you ever allowed to write an article for SLAM?! This is the ABSOLUTE WORST player evaluation I have read all summer. Please learn about the game of basketball before you say one more thing about it.

  • Deez

    Here’s the breakdown on Bosh. He’s not a great finisher, doesn’t have great hands, not a creator or great passer, he has a great jump shot out to near 3pt range, decent post moves when given time to work, but at the same time is somewhat of a ball stopper, pretty good first step for a big man, not a great one on one defender, so so shot blocker, pretty good rebounder. So all in all not a superstar though better than Udonis, based on his consistency to get a make a shot. However on a team with James and Wade, Bosh should find plenty of open looks to knock down shots as well as finding himself in pick and roll situations with mismatches or his man out of position where Bosh can take it to the basket. So as your 3rd option, Bosh should thrive.

  • Ronald

    Awesome article.

  • hoodsnake

    I want my 4 minutes back SLAM!

  • Ronald

    This sounds like an article written by a sportswriter’s girlfriend who is only interested bin the pretty colours NBA players wear.

  • http://www.5vemics.com Matthew M

    Ain’t nothin changed but the address. You suck.