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Tuesday, June 19th, 2007 at 5:13 pm  |  147 responses

Sure Shot

They say a picture’s worth 1,000 words. But you only need a couple to win.

While we can’t kill the voters for choosing Dirk Nowitzki as MVP (we did just put him on our cover, after all), that didn’t make the timing of the announcement any less awkward. We know Avery Johnson and David Stern said all the right things when Dirk got his hardware, but what were they thinking? You guys are funnier than we are, so go ‘head and tell us. Whoever writes the best caption will win a dope prize from our vault and get their name in Trash Talk next issue.

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  • D_vang

    “what a generic backdrop”

  • Aaron Y

    help help the trophy is on my croch

  • rebekah

    We should have traded him for a draft pick

  • Gamma

    “lets hurry up and get this over with” Avery Johnson. “this thing is heavy id dont want another one” Dirk

  • Glen

    What they’re thinking from left to right: Friggin Nellie, Friggin Warriors, Friggin Spurs

  • Mr. Concepcion

    “then Averys hand turned ghost white…”

  • Asbat Hasan

    Avery: David Stern Only GIves MVP Awards to White Guys…Im Da One Who Deserves It

    Stupid Stern: Ooh…Dirks Suit Is So Soft…I Could Just Give Him MVP Next Year…

  • Mike Hill

    2/3 of a colgate commercial.

  • Taylor PIllsworth

    Lets all smile so everyone thinks Dirk actually deserves this!

  • chiqo

    relax, act natural, smile for the camera… holy moses, did stern just caress my shoulder?

  • Daniel

    Well this is a WAY better idea than you two standing on the stool!

  • nate

    Dirk: “What now steve? I got one too.”
    Stern: “Try and focus on the picture kid. Steve knew how to take a picture much better. ”
    Avery: “Take it right or fifty laps.”

  • Decs

    Stern: Sh*t!

  • Nick

    Achtung, voters!

  • Joey

    Stern: First the ball, now this. . .

  • Joey

    Stern/Avery: I still voted for Steve
    Dirk:Ok
    Stern: Did ya see hiim sink that 3 to tie the game in that double ot game?
    Dirk:Yeah i saw
    Avery:And didnt his team get pass the first round?
    Dirk:Yeah they did
    Stern/Avery:Then why you’d win the MVP?
    Dirk: (Long Pause)

  • Mat

    Dirk: Im Dirk-a-licious!!

  • Nisanth

    AJ: how much longer do I havta hold dis pose for? i neva smile
    DN:umm, mr.stern, you need to stop touching me now, its been 10 minutes
    DS: ooooooooooooooo siiiillllkkkkkk,

  • Lorenzo

    David Stern: And you didn’t even have to have an actress as a girfriend to win.

  • Lorenzo

    David Stern: And you didn’t even need an actress girlfriend to win.

  • Jeff

    The Three Musketeers.

  • Ben

    dirk: “Wait. I thought this was the O’Brian trophy, not the Podloff?!”

  • David

    Avery: “I feel like I’m back in high school, same suit and everything.”

    Dirk: “TODAY PLEASE! I haven’t smiled this long since I left Germany.

    Stern: “Um Dirk, we’re gonna need that back.”

  • Judson

    Stern: “Oh God, next year, the voting waits until after the playoffs.”

  • Gilbert0

    Is David Stern trying to tickle me?

  • Gilbert0

    Darn you Dirk, I bet all Mark Cuban’s money on Steve Nash winning MVP.

  • http://slamonline.com CashAddict23

    DIRKS THOUGHTS….. (IN A NAPOLEAN DINAMITE VOICE) HECK YES! I WON MVP, IM SILENT BUT DEADLY, AMERICA…..

    STERNS THOUGHTS….. CHEAP ASS SUIT, HAD TO SIT U ON A STOOL SO UR HEAD WOULDNT GET CUT OFF…. DAMMIT, I KNEW I SHOULDA SUSPENDED BARON AND STEPHEN…. IT WORKED FOR THE SPURS… WHERE THE HELL IS KOBE?????

    AVERYS THOUGHTS…. AFTER ALL THAT, U COULDNT EVEN SCORE 10 POINTS IN GAME 6….U NEED JESUS!

  • Big D

    (In A Napolean Dynamite Voice) Dirk: Gosh, This Is Radical I Never Thought I Would Get This Award ! David: Well You Didn’t Really Deserve It. Avery: Come David You Hurt His Feelings !

  • Je$iZzLe

    AVERY: Damn Man can we stop smiling now? I just got my teeth done.
    DIRK: Gee, this thing is heavy. I should have done those extra weights when coach told me to.
    DAVID: Incredible! Dirk’s sitting and he’s still taller than me. Absolutely Phonomenal

  • Je$iZzLe

    AVERY: Damn Man can we stop smiling now? I just got my teeth done.
    DIRK: Gee, this thing is heavy. I should have done those extra weights when coach told me to.
    STERN: Incredible! Dirk’s sitting and he’s still taller than me. Absolutely Phonomenal

  • Story

    Stern: Can we hurry this up? I’ve got Warriors tickets.

  • http://freewebs.com/osmisworld Osmi

    “Hey Coach I’m MVP,Get out my picture…..you too david”

  • RM # 0

    ‘We’re not really laughing, we’re getting laughed at’
    ( See issue 109 with Dirk on the front)

  • primetime

    The Lil General, the Leagues MVP, & The Boss…

  • rob stewart

    The 3 stooges

  • Ben

    Stern: God, when will one of these god damn foreigners get to the finals?

  • Coach Ern

    Dirk: Hey Coach, remember that time during preseaon workouts when we were wrestling and I held you up like this?…Or how ’bout at the Christmas Charity event when you sat…

  • Tony

    A.J., “I can’t believe he won it.”
    Dirk, “I can’t believe I won it.”
    Stern, “I can’t believe HE won it.”

  • Dave Nachmany

    Stern:Quikly before they find out that the vote count was wronge!
    Dirk:I knew i didnt deserve it!
    Cameraman:Hey, didnt you guys get knocked out of the first round?
    Avery:Its not fair!They had a louder crowd then us!

  • http://slamonline.com/online/2007/06/links-win-free-draft-hats/ Noah

    Dirk: What’s with your tie David? Did you get dressed in the dark or something?

  • Todd

    Dirk: What was Steve Nash doing here earlier?
    Stern: He was so used to winning he showed up out of habit.
    Avery: And he was signalled by Davids tie.

  • Redrum

    Dirk (in a Nazi/German accent): “nein.. nein.. nein… what did I get mein self into… now I need to take a photo sitting between a black midget and a Jew… mein granda will have a heart attack..”

  • Redrum

    erm… did I take it a tad too far? I think I did…

  • allan

    avery:crap i wanted baron to win this, dirk:haha kobe you didn’t win again, stern:i wonder who i will suspend next or what rule i will make

  • Asbat

    Avery: Whose ugly idea of a joke is this?…Dirk: Dang! this looks just like my bowling trophy…Stern:I shud have made the guy in the award wear a suit…oh no…the NBA’s image is RUINED!!!

  • Serge

    Dirk: Man, finally i know how it feels like to win MVP. And im the first european to win! hell yea! Avery: If only he knew how it felt to win Coach of the year. And that was my first year coaching, thats way more of an accomplishment than winning MVP. Stern: I’m proud of Dirk, and Avery for coaching him, but If only they knew how it felt to win an NBA Title. What a waste of awards!

  • Jumpman

    Fake Smiles R’Us

  • David A. Spohn

    Avery) I wonder if Coach Poppovich will let me come back to San An & be his assistant
    Dirk) David Hasselhoff, David Hasselhoff, David Hasselhoff, David Hass…
    Stern) At least Cuban will get off my damn back for a while

  • Kyle Sherlock

    Dirk: So this is what it’s like to be 5 feet tall!

  • http://www.forillalive.com Skillet Forilla

    “Vow, the rest of the playoffs look so good from this seat!”

  • Matthew Ward

    Avery: Pat his back harder Stern, he’s choking again!

  • ST. IveS

    Dick:Yep. I’m the best damn thing…
    Stern:Yep. You’re the best damn MVP…
    Avery:Is okay…

  • Nisanth

    can sum1 help me here, da damn trophy is on my shnitzel

  • Nisanth.G

    dk:can sum1 help me, the stupid trophy’s on my shnitzel!

  • RM # 0

    @ Redrum maybe you took it 2 far, but at least I had to laugh out loud

  • Ismael

    Oh the irony…

  • Karan

    dirk: “i’d actually rather be baron davis.”

  • Lisa

    Dirk: I feel like crap. Everybody hates me.
    Avery: This is a regular season award and you totally deserve it. Screw ‘em, we’ll get it next year.
    Stern: I’m a tool.

  • Kevin Durant

    dirk: “i’d actually rather be baron davis.”

  • lovethysneaker

    “It’s okay son, maybe if we all dress up real nice and try to look happy everyone will forget how badly we all screwed up the NBA playoffs this year”

    or

    David Stern as he smiles says through his teeth- “Damn, giant german you better squat down so that your head is lower than mine our i’ll suspend your entire team for the whole NBA finals next year, you thought Amare’s suspension was bad just you wait and see what i’ll do to you if you disrespect me”
    Avery Thomas- “Just do what he says Dirk you’ve already ruined one series for me and we all know the commish is capable of doing just that”

  • lovethysneaker

    okay so maybe the second one is a little long for a caption haha i’ll just stick with the first one “It’s okay son, maybe if we all dress up real nice and try to look happy everyone will forget how badly we all screwed up the NBA playoffs this year” eventhough the way david stern has been acting lately i could actually see the second one happening

  • lovethysneaker

    David Stern- “sorry dirk it might not be the Finals trophy but i made sure those damn Suns didnt win it either. You see the way i took them out of it by suspending Amare for absolutely nothing!?” Avery- “Thats right Dirk, you just play your hardest and me and the Commissioner will take care of the rest next year”

  • http://Slamonline.com Chukaz

    Dirk: “This is why I’m hot! This is why I’m hot, this is why, this is why, this is why I’m hot!
    Avery: Shut the hell up, you German cracker, why couldn’t you be hot against the Warriors, I feel like shootin’ yo’ ass, boy.
    Sternbot: Avery, shut the hell up, you know I can’t stand black people. That’s why Kobe can’t get this tropy. Dirk, your gonna have to get rid of your accent if you ganna keep your damn award.

  • Colie

    Dirk is thinkin: Finally, i’ve won 4 Germany, “Hia Germanay”

    Stern is Thinkin:Hurry up and take the shot, u bozo, there’s pudding at the reception.

    A.J. is thinkin: David, i knew u got fashion issues, but i did not know monkeys could have gotten dressed better than u. Come on, puple tie with a blue shirt.um um um.

    Camera man is thinkin: lord please save me, there’s pudding at the reception!!!!!!!!

  • Ryan Lastinger

    Dirk: Maybe I should’ve been listening to Lil’ Troy’s “Wanna Be A Balla” instead of the “Hoff Man”, during the playoffs.
    Avery: Maybe You should’ve brought your game instead of your IPod!

  • Darryl aka D-Dubb

    Avery is thinkin: “Damn, Nellie should be here, he made Dirk all I did was make Dirk a choke artist”
    Dirk is thinkin: “I wish they will hurry up and take this picture, I need to get this back to Steve.
    Stern is thinkin: ” I screwed Nash over again”

  • Decs

    Hey Commish, were taller than Dirk!

  • lovethysneaker

    “wait…is this a dream? what season is this? 2007?”

  • lovethysneaker

    since none of those faces have been around for the last couple months during these playoffs it just seems to fit

  • Jake

    “Wow! Avery is as tall as Dirk? Oh… my bad……”

  • Weezy

    The 3 Stooges

  • dallas

    dirk:can you stop touching me please
    stern:i thought you said he was gay
    johnson:he is but he hasnt been the same since losing steve nash

  • dallas

    dirk:hey david did you hear about the two new products?
    stern:no what is it?
    dirk:tooth paste and mouth wash

  • http://www.fortheloveofgodgivespurstheringalready+lakersdosomethinganddoitnow=.com Jay

    SAYYY CHOKKKKEE!!!

  • a7mad

    avery johnson says: i made him so i deserve this trophy not him

  • tom

    I’m only smiling because I’ll get paid for this

  • tom

    Dirk: I bet you SLAM wiill make a sure shot about this and avery will get bagged by racist people…just warning you, it always happens

  • Story

    You wanna go where everyone knows your name…

  • Story

    Stern: Today Dirk joins a list that includes Karl Malone, Kevin Garnett & Charles Barkley, they shouldn’t have won either.

  • Sam

    Dirk: Avery,Stern’s got his hand on my shoulder.
    Avery: Wev’e got this far now, Dirk, dont ruin this now. Be cool, just smile man.
    Dirk:… why is the trophy greasy..

  • enzo

    stern: God these people don’t know how to pick an mvp
    dirk: Ha Ha, what stern and avery don’t know won’t hurt them because i am going to lose in the playoffs and get eliminated so i can fulfill my dream to be in a colgate commericial
    avery: god, i am such a hypocrite

  • dallas

    stern:smiles make every thing better

  • diego chavez

    Dirk:man good thing they decided to give me this before
    they saw how bad I did againts the 8th seed

  • dallas

    stern:wait thats the mvp trophie
    dirk:so
    stern:i ment to give you the worst postseason player award

  • Brian Peach

    Avery: (Through clenched teeth): Is it just me, or does that trophy look like Steve Nash?

    David Stern: (Through clenched teeth): Shut up, and smile.

  • Brian Peach

    Avery thinks to himself, we should stick a wig on that guy, and call him DONna.

  • Brian Peach

    Dirk: I should have stuck with friggin futbol.

  • Brian Peach

    L to R: Prince, Queen, King

  • Brian Peach

    Stern: Take your time getting a nice picture. I’ve got Cuban locked up in my office.

  • JDN41

    the THREE MUSKET-TEARS, lose for one and lose for all

  • Brian Peach

    Avery thinks to self: It’s nice that you can lift that trophy. Maybe next year you can lift our team sucka.

  • Brian Peach

    Dwayne Wade’s mantle picture

  • Fernando Sanchez

    “Oh, Im just holding this for my good friend Steve Nash”, Dirk.

  • Lee Goldsbrough

    “Your not so tall now are you Dirk!” Avery Johnson

  • Chris A.

    Avery: God Dirk you suck.

    Dirk: Coach is probably talking s$#t about me.

    Stern: I feel like suspending a black thug for something stupid.

  • J.B

    dirk:is this real?

  • Don

    Oh man, what’s the world coming to? MVPs aren’t making it past the first round, David Stern is wearing a PURPLE tie and Avery Johnson’s latest playoff shortcoming almost makes it seem like he’s constantly fighting back tears. Almost.

  • mike casey

    Avery Johnson: “Not ANOTHER white guy!”

  • Kevin R.

    Stern to Mark Cuban: “I ain’t mad at ya.”

  • http://www.google.com Steve-ooohhh

    Mark Cuban in the backround “Don’t touch him (to David Stern) maaaaaaaannnnnn!” Now i’ll have to disinfect him.

  • Connor

    Dirk:Oooooooo Davey that tickles save it until AFTER the presentaion
    Avery: Bom Bom Ch Bom Bom Ch Bom Bom Ch…Im hopin you enjoy ma amusement park.

  • David

    The three amigos- Coach Huey Duck, No-wins-ki, and Commissioner Yuck-Mouth.

  • http://slamonline.com Jared

    black sheep?

  • Joe Fitz

    Why dont we give him the defensive player of the year while were at it.

  • Joe Fitz

    hey dave yeah avery lets give him the defensive player of the year while we are at it

  • Michael Weiss

    Avery:Dirk, don’t drop that, everyone already knows its too heavy for you
    Stern:If you make me look bad Dirk, I’ll suspend you for the whole next season, I don’t play around
    Dirk:I am MVP, and I’m trying to fake smile, so shut up

  • Michael Weiss

    Right to left:The overachiever, the underachiever, and Mr. Suspender

  • Bryan Bailey

    Doesn’t it look like they stole something?

  • http://yahoo Duke Lim

    Stern’s Sardonic Smiles

  • mike

    avery: at least in this picture im the tallest one

  • http://yahoo Duke L

    My gift is my curse… Dirk Nowitzki

  • http://hotmail Duke

    Stern’s Sardonic Smiles

  • Grant

    Stern: “Avery this isn’t working, try the Heimlich”

  • http://huh?slamonline.com Asher F.

    Avery: Dirk…uhh…you were…good?
    Stern: Yeah…ummm…okay.
    Dirk: You guys really mean it? (smile)

  • enks

    To Dirk:”It was nice knowing you kid. I saw Mark Cuban waiting for you outside with a Dairy Queen uniform and a 76ers Jersey. He said it would be your choice!”

  • slate

    Dirk:Thanks,I’ll EARN it next year….I hope.

  • slate

    Dirk: Is THIS last year’s trophy?

  • slate

    Stern:You get MVP for just having Cuban not show up.

  • slate

    Dirk: I’ll like to accept this award on behalf of Steve Nash who couldn’t be here today.Thank you.

  • Kyle

    Dirk: Hey…where’s coachs’ other hand?

  • Kyle

    Stern: My purple tie is fly.
    Dirk: Why did mom dress me like this?
    Avery:Dirk wins MVP, this means raise so I can buy a nicer suit.

  • Kyle

    Dirk: Thank you. I just wish David Hasselhoff could have been here to celebrate with me.

  • JOE

    “I get paid too much already…..why’d they give me this heavy trophy (sniff)(sniff) It’s toooooooooo heavy help me David”

  • david nachmany

    Dirk:Ok lets take this picture fast,I stole it from my man Steve and I need to get it back before he gets back from San Antonio.
    Avery:Ok Dirk,thats the last straw!Choose quickly were do you wanna go Boston or Atlanta?
    Dirk:(SOB)But i just took those steriods from Mark Cuban!
    Avery:Hey don’t feel bad Dirk,I here that Atlanta is getting new uniforms!
    Stern:……..
    Avery:Wait…thats not Stern,thats a cutout of him!

  • gig

    Stern thinking- Maybe next year I’ll fake a smile posing with Mark Cuban(my favorite GM)

  • http://www.3pointplay.org Mr JayTee

    Comedy Central

  • Chris Whalen

    This may be Re-Dirkulous that I won this award, but I earned this a long time ago. This beats ever winning a gold medal in the olympics; here comes a big ass extension!

  • Chris Whalen

    I take this award now, they will all forget all this egg on my face later. I guess Steve did deserve to be back to back MVP. Maybe if I try to give this back, I’ll win the sportsmanship award too!

  • chuckbuck

    Nice suit- $500
    Another haircut-$45
    Losing to Golden State-broken heart
    The hardware says it all-PRICELESS

  • Chukaz

    Dirk: I’m the most overrated player in NBA history.
    Avery: I’m the most overrated coach in NBA history.
    Sternbot: I have the yellowest teeth in NBA history.

  • Tim Dennis

    First Jewish Ventriloquist to use a german dummie

  • Yuri

    from left to right;
    coach carter, shaggy and the butler from batman.

  • Cory Guinn

    What Dirk is thinking- “Is Mr. Stern’s tie against the dress code??”

  • Cory Guinn

    From left to right:
    The General, the German, and the Dictator

  • Mike W

    What was your impression on Dirk winning MVP? You tell us….We’re waiting.

  • Luis

    Well since you got been knocked out the playoffs the first round you have all the time in the world. Lets take a couple pictures.

  • Eric D.

    “Should have waited to pick a MVP after the playoffs! Oh well, this is only gonna be a plastic smile then.”

    -Stern

  • Lomeo

    Avery Johnson: This is so awkward, i forgot to wear a tie.
    David Stern: Will this guy hurry up, i got more people to fine and suspend. Speaking of fines, where’s Cuban at?
    Dirk Nowitzki: Ah man, this trophy is heavier than it looks. How did my boy Steve Nash do this twice?
    Camera Guy: I mess up one photoshoot (Gary Payton, June 98) and Slam stick me with these clowns…One moment guys, flash is not working.
    All 3: Homer Simpson’s DOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!

  • kyle norville

    Dirk: “who knew this was gonna be the only trophy i get to hold this year.”

  • yakir

    stern- I should have suspended baron davis

    Dirk- I went 67-15 and all i got was this crappy trophy

    avery- at least you got a trophy

  • Cams

    Stern- “Is it me or did Steve Nash just grow a foot?”

  • Aleem

    Tickets to a mavericks game- $60

    Program, Popcorn, Drinks, and a Hat- $30

    Suit, Shirt, and Tie- $600

    Seeing David Stern not wearing a matching tie after instituting the NBA dress code- Priceless

  • Nick

    Dirk:YAY…i’m finally better than steve.
    Stern:Dont you get smart, at least pheonix can beat the warriors.

  • Eric D.

    Check that out, Shaggy got the MVP!

  • Jeff

    So apparently, “M.V.P.” means “Chokes during the Playoffs” in German.

  • http://www.slamonline.com Logan Light

    Well, at least we know Dirk takes it sitting down…

  • http://slamonline.com Sam Rubenstein

    thanks everyone. We have picked a winner.

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