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Tuesday, January 26th, 2010 at 12:02 pm  |  36 responses

Links: Mike Woodson is a Smooth Operator

So fresh and so clean, clean

by Lang Whitaker

A few minutes before the start of last night’s Hawks game, new Hawks beat writer Mike Cunningham tweeted some breaking news:

2 surprises: R. Clemens visits locker room as guest of Woody and Woody’s eyebrows shaved. He wouldn’t explain why and no one seems to kno.

OK, so that’s strange: I know the Hawks were in Houston and all, but why was Roger Clemens in the Hawks locker room as a guest of Mike Woodson? Is Woody friends with The Rocket, or is…

WAIT MIKE WOODSON SHAVED HIS EYEBROWS!? And he wouldn’t explain why, and no one seems to know?

My initial thought was that maybe he lost a bet on the football games, but then, who bets their damn eyebrows on a football game?

As the game started, Hawks PR man Arthur Triche tweeted this photo of Woodson wearing fake eyebrows, which were apparently cut by Josh Smith out of Velcro (or stolen from a Mr. Potato Head set). When the game actually started, Woodson emerged looking like this.

And the game went on and the Hawks played really well.

But what happened to this man’s eyebrows? With Woodson refusing to talk about it, there are several active working theories. I will not rest until this investigation is complete! These are the facts we’re working with:

• Twitter was big on the “Woody must have lost a bet” theory. Maybe. But again, who in the world bets their eyebrows?

• Cunningham asked Jamal Crawford, who said “Nobody knows. You should get to the bottom of it and let me know.”

• Josh Smith told Cunningham, “He claimed his barber did it on accident.”

• Later, Cunningham posited that perhaps it was an attempt by Woodson to provide some levity and take the pressure off the Hawks (who hadn’t won a game in Houston in 10 years before last night’s win). Josh agreed: “We wanted to have a happy-go-lucky atmosphere. I think he didn’t want to come and tell us how much he really, really wanted this game. I think it went over well with the guys. But we knew in the back of our minds how important this game was.”

• I texted with one Hawks player, and he confirmed that Woodson didn’t offer any explanation. The players seemed to be enjoying it, though.

• Al Horford tweeted:

Woody wanted to go with a new clean look, so he shaved his eyebrows off. He says he looks “hot”

• Zaza Pachulia tweeted:

Really don’t know what happened with woody’s eyebrows. I was shocked when I saw it :) it was really funny. Everybody was laughing in locker room.

• This morning, I was told by someone close to the situation that Woodson’s barber shaved them off and “said it makes him look younger.”

It makes him look something, all right. For me, the takeaway from all this is that we need to come up with a new nickname for Mike Woodson. “Woody” is fine, but we need something that hits on his newly distinguishing features. Or lack thereof.

For now, I’m going with The Smooth Operator.

Explanations? Theories? Nicknames? Hit us with your best shot down below…

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  • Clint

    He looks like Mr. Potato Head right now so I’d go with that.

  • Wes

    Mike “No-brow” Woodson

  • Squirrel7

    I’d love to venture one, but I’m lost for words!

  • RIGGS

    mr potato head is fine with me

  • Fat Lever

    Uncle Leo! They should add his eyebrows back in with a marker, and make him look mean in the process.

  • Hometeam Brandon Leak

    Weenie

  • tom

    those fake ones hilarious – i LOVE that pic

  • http://www.twitter.com/NotebookNick thesubwayconnection

    I’m with Riggs on this one.

  • KC

    I’ve gotta agree w/ Fat Lever, If he had the drawn on angry eyebrows no one would eff with him and the hawks would go undefeated for the remainder of the season bs the other teams are so intimidated

  • http://fashionsensei.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/jackie-moon.jpg Jackie Moon

    From the Washington Post: http://voices.washingtonpost.com/celebritology/2009/07/no_eyebrows_–_the_new_black_o.html

    “It’s unifying. There is an asexual element to no eyebrows. We are much more accepting of the ‘other’ nowadays. Removing eyebrows removes a degree of expression, which makes one look less human and more cerebral, maybe even mechanical. It’s an exercise in modernity.”

    Modern Mike?

  • http://digitalthread.com AlbertBarr

    Wow, Jackie…that is a good nickname…esoteric but excellent.

  • http://slamonline.com Lang Whitaker

    Interesting, Jackie…we need to explore this more

  • ab_40

    wow haha. I wonder what would’ve happended if he came out with the fake eyebrows. It’s gonna look even more terrible with the eyebrows growing back. I suck at nicknames so I’m not even gonna try

  • Hometeam Brandon Leak

    Woody Villanueva!

  • ChiToro

    going on Jackie’s theme, how about Metro Mike

  • http://shawn-kemps-offspring.blogspot.com Cheryl

    Dam, ChiToro, I was going with the metrosexual theme too. You beat me to MetroMike.

  • Brian

    I like Modern Mike also, it’s deep.

  • http://www.slamonline.com Myles Brown

    This has to be connected to Greg Oden somehow.

  • David

    How about, Mike ‘No Surprises’ Woodson?

  • http://shawn-kemps-offspring.blogspot.com/ Tariqُُ

    This obviously has to do with the huge success of “Avatar.” Anyone who knows anything about Mike Woodson knows that he is a huge fan of the movie “Titanic” and, especially, Leonardo Di Caprio. Woodson’s Titanic fixation has reached epic proportions; at one point in 2008, Woodson forced the team to break every huddle by exclaiming “Our Hearts Will Go On!”
    Anyway, the prospect of “Avatar” breaking “Titanic’s” global records has been troubling Woody for some time. This is his way of diverting attention from the “Avatar” juggernaut. He hopes that audiences will now stop flocking to theaters to see James Cameron’s film, and instead focus on his eyebrows, or lack thereof.
    So yeah, Uncle Leo.

  • http://www.stonesthrow.com/madlib Michael NZ

    Woody Villanueva HAHAHAHA. Damn that’s funny.

  • http://www.bluefont.com Hisham

    I’ve always thought his mustache was made out of velcro too

  • http://www.bluefont.com Hisham

    he definitely dyes (sp?) it though.

  • thalilbigkahuna

    He should keep those fake eyebrows.

  • http://digitalthread.com AlbertBarr

    Hisham, I figured his eyebrows missing is a result of an eyebrow dying gone awry.

  • therighttoremainsalient

    he should shave the mo’ and then redraw both the moustache and the eyebrows OFF CENTRE or on an askew angle…that would look rad..

  • http://slamonline.com Bryan Crawford

    True story… a few years ago, a friend of my brothers was pre-heating the oven to make a pizza. He mistakenly turned the oven temp up too high and when he opened the oven the door the heat rushed out and hit his face. He said he felt a slight tingling above his eyes but didn’t think much of it. A couple of days later, he woke up and his eyebrows were gone. He looked like a cat so we called him “El Gato”, or “Gato” for short.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/officerbarbrady what

    He always looked like Mr. Potato Head, even before the shaved eyebrows, but this clinches it.

  • German Reignman

    How about calling him “Whoopi” instead of Woody … you know, with respect to the original “Woman with no eyebrows” …

  • Brickshooting J

    His eyebrows dropped after he saw Greg Oden’s pictures.

  • lucas

    Oh man there are some good posts on this one. How about Mike “Groucho” Woodson?

  • mamadou n’diaye

    “A couple days later, he woke up and his eyebrows were gone.” Might be time to check that friend of your brothers into rehab Bryan.

  • http://fashionsensei.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/jackie-moon.jpg Jackie Moon

    ATL SHAWTY – Joe Johnson and Al Hordford All-Stars, WUT?

  • TicketAdvisor

    “Postmodern Woddy”

  • http://www.twitter.com/WhoIsMoJey Monty Jey

    I know this is an old post (2 months ago), but being that Mike is my f***ing uncle, I’m gonna respond to this anyway. “Jump off a building & eat cement” to the person who said “he always looked like Mr. Potato head anyway”. You’re safe behind a computer screen.

    Now…the eyebrows………uhmmm, I talked it over with my mom (Mike’s sister)……I don’t know WTF my uncle was thinking on this one. Definitely NOT a good look! Can’t even look surprised w/out the brows! Damnit Mike! OH…Roger Clemons: Mike finished his NBA career in Houston & Roger lives there. They are friends from various fundraisers for charities over the years. That’s why The Rocket was there…

  • http://www.twitter.com/WhoIsMoJey Monty Jey

    Oh…Ain’t jack sh*t METRO about my uncle either. Y’all are some straight up faceless hacks…

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