By Jake Appleman

Fijaos: Listen up, ya’ll.

I got a job. Like a real, “doesn’t have anything to do with SLAM” job. This new reality will keep me away from my laptop till around 6pm (East Coast standard time) most days. This doesn’t mean I’ll be posting less. I’m just going to become more efficient, using my weekends to my advantage, and maybe I’ll start live blogging from the NBA the games I go to. That said, if you leave me comments, I’ll still do my best to keep the banter up later that evening. Maybe I’ll leave you something fresh for the next morning.

And, um, if I suddenly seem slightly more irascible around these parts–it’s not you, it’s me. And it will pass.

In sum: Now I’m more than just SLAM’s indentured servant.

Now let’s hit some crossbars and gawk at Ronaldinho.

Barcelona 4 Villareal 0

Dinho…that bike has more juice than Lance Armstrong’s ass sitting on a bike. And what language is this? ASH-EH-LA HA JIMMA HEEEEH LO HOSH TOTOTOTOTOTOTOTOO. INIESTA EIKEN MEN DUEM EIREKEIFJNBKFD OEUFKLEIEJREEUEPENF.” That’s what he said, I swear.

And here are your game highlights.

Real Madrid 1 Valencia 0

My main man Sid Lowe has some good stuff on the Dinho goal and the current contrast in style between Barca and Real. He even included the phrase “veritable Sammy Swimming pool.” While I have no idea what that means, it sounds fantastic.

Atlético Madrid 1 Real Sociedad 1

I considered watching this, but then I realized it was a trap game. If they won, cool, they won–they were supposed to. If LaputaAtleti lost, well, Laputaatleti lost. Well, they tied the worst team in La Liga. Barely. And that’s a big pile of joder. HO-DARE, I say!

Sevilla 3 Athletic Bilbao 1

What you’re not seeing: Luis Fabiano‘s mojo.

Other Results:

Celta Vigo 1 – 1 Real Zaragoza

Getafe 0 – 0 Levante

From Last Week in La Liga:

Poor Bernd (Schuster). Forced to watch his team from a commentary box after a slight disagreement with the referee, last week, Getafe’s German coach was probably quite glad that there was a bit of distance between himself and the man in the middle on Sunday. Two quite clear penalties turned down for the home team certainly didn’t help Getafe on what was one of their off days.

Basically, the story behind this is that I was talking to Schuster the other day over Skype and he started relentlessly needling me about some of my infamous cooking–in German no less. He said the word “Sheisa” about eleven different times, and, simply put, I let him know where he could shove his “Sheisa.” Though I did mention that I was sorry that Getafe has to play in a town that is actually a construction site. More on that some other time…And not getting those penalties must have sucked, too.

Mallorca 3 – Nastic 2

Osasuna 4 – 1 Deportivo

Racing Santander 4 – 3 Recreativo Huelta

Real Betis 1 – 1 Espanyol.