By Sam Rubenstein

Have I mentioned that there’s nothing going on today yet? I’ve spent most of my day bothering two of the only people that are actually here at the office, Khalid and Susan. For any new site vistors we may have picked up, that’s SLAM Associate Editor Khalid Salaam and Managing Editor Susan Price. I’ve been sharing my thoughts with them today, and to shut me up they keep telling me to just write about it. Okay, you asked for it. This is your fault.

Con Ed First of all, I’m saving all of my work constantly because the power could go at any second. There was a blackout in New York last week, and today is supposed to be the hottest most air conditioned day ever. One of my best friends works for Con Edison, the NY power monopoly, and I have absolutely no faith in him or his company.

They weren’t joking. It is really hot outside. Not to get too dramatic here, but I could feel my skin melting off when I went outside a minute ago. There will be an emergency stop at the Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory after work today.

I’ve been reading alot of the Mel Gibson apology stuff. Too late Braveheart. Too late. So you got drunk and finally slipped up publicly. Let me guess, you willl find a way to spin this into a “back from my lowest point” career turnaround like Kate Moss. You can even call yourself The Prodigal Son. Too bad your father is a piece of garbage. I feel that I can personally insult your family since you started it with mine.

Moving back to a slightly lighter subject, Susan is really excited that Heath Ledger is going to be The Joker in the new Batman movie. The more we laughed at her for saying that out loud, the more defensive she got, leading to the final statement “I think it’s phenomenal casting.” Here is Heath Ledger’s resume. Oh wait, he was in A Night’s Tale and 10 Things I Hate About You? Let’s just say that Jack won’t have to worry about being upstaged. And yes, he’s big enough that he gets the one name treatment.

I’m also REALLY PISSED that my favorite girl, Maria Meneouonous is being linked to of all people, Vin Diesel. Maria, it’s over between us. You’re tainted.

My personal highlight of the day was asking Khalid to check out this story about Tom Brady speaking to Patriots management to make sure that his favorite receiver got his contract situation settled. Khalid then accused me of bringing up the McNabb-T.O. thing again, where McNabb wouldn’t go to bat for T.O. like Tommy Touchdown is doing for his guy, who is nowhere near Owens’ level. Hey, I just thought he might like to read about Tom Brady. (Chuckling. Very pleased with myself right now.)

Oh, and Allen Iverson was traded for Kobe. Slow day.

Note: Allen Iverson was not and will never be traded for Kobe.