By Omar Mazariego
“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” — Plato
I’ve never had a conversation with anyone from the Jackass crew and I probably never will, but if there’s one thing that their latest movie convinced me of it’s that there’s a good possibility that they’re all…well, not that there’s anything wrong with that.
The crack(ed) crew is back with another installment of the pop culture phenom (from like a decade ago) and believe you me, it isn’t as tame as the first one.
And I’ma be real: I don’t know if It’s the fact that I like watching people do real stupid s*** or if it’s that I’m watching white suburb kids doing real stupid s*** that I went to see this movie. But I mean really, I don’t think it would be too fun to watch a hooded-out youngster dress his penis like a white mouse and sneak it into a snake cage and wait for the snake to take a bite outta crime (that did look painful). You couldn’t pay me enough to risk my manhood just for the sake of entertaining the globe — which by the way is getting warmer with every second that passes. But that’s neither here nor there. The only way you could get me to pull that stunt is if the snake was a Tinkerbell version of Beyonce. Uuuuuu that would be one bite I’d wait for forever.
But that was just one stunt that involved either a penis or butt cheeks. Others included: a horse’s um…seed; a man sitting at the very top of a strong man meter (big sledge hammer you use to hit that thing where the bell goes up that poll to see how strong you are) with his ass out, and did I mention that the meter bell was actually replaced with a sex toy?; an ass being branded with a hot iron in the shape of a man’s twig and two berrys; chuggin beer down the opposite part of the human mouth; making a fake beard out of everyone’s pubic hairs for a unsuspecting cast member for a stunt that he was going to perform. And someone had crabs!!! OMG! That was nasty.
As stupid, idiotic, juvenile, offensive and many cases, digusting, as Jackass is, it’s the guilty pleasure that today’s youth enjoy. Mind you, this is the same generation of youths who at one point anointed Britney Spears the queen of the earth and think that Justin Timberlake actually brought the sexy back. So in a lot of ways you have to be honest with yourself and recognize that movies like this and almost everything else that goes on in today’s retarded world are like a train wreck: you know it’s horrible and inhuman, but you can’t help but watch in awe.
And because of that I gave it 3.5 Gangstas.
It was some of the funniest s*** I’ve ever seen. I mean, a lot of it the stunts were useless or everyday things. A lot of people have ran with the bulls and gotten runned over, many have swam with sharks and others have tried to handle Anaconda snakes. So none of that impresses me or makes me chuckle. But when a magician tells a almost completely naked Wee Man (the Joe C of this Kid Rock crew) that he will make him disappear while he’s laying on a bed, then makes it happen by having a 600 pound naked woman jump on top of him completely covering his Tickle Me Elmo-sized body, now that’s what I call comedy.