by Marcel Mutoni

So there I was, casually reading Deadspin like I do practically everyday, when I stumbled upon this glorious quote :

We asked Bryant where did he ejaculate. He stated he ejaculated onto a white shirt after [redacted] left. We asked if we could have that t-shirt. Bryant agreed. I followed him into Bryant’s room. Bryant then threw the t-shirt at me. I told Bryant not to throw it at me because I would come pick it up in a safe location. I caught the t-shirt around the neck region. Bryant told me he didn’t “shoot it” up that far.


That quote is of course from the infamous report of Kobe’s rape testimony from two years ago. The great Smoking Gun website is releasing this report along with the rest of the amazing (and often wildly embarrassing) legal documents they’ve uncovered during the 10 years the site’s been in existence in a new book called The Dog Dialed 911.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m going to do everything in my power to incorporate “he didn’t shoot it up that far” into practically everything I say from this day forth.